Guy Ritchie goes limp on Cookie Diet

Guy Ritchie apparently lost his will to have sex while on a Diet-Of-The-Moment, where you eat 800 calories a day for three weeks, but some of the calories involve cookies. Considering that the object of his flattened affection was fricking Madonna, arguably the biggest sex icon of our generation, that says a lot about the Cookie Diet, don’t you think? Listen to her interview with a dj who purports to have lost 100 pounds on the crazy fad. She sounds pretty annoyed by engaging in crazy eating and also, thinks that colonics are weird. I don’t know, sticking a tube up your butt seems less crazy than messing with your metabolism by eating only 800 calories a day, but that’s just me.

The Cookie Diet, sadly, is not one that means you exist only on Oreos and freshly baked Tollhouse but rather that you must buy a doctor’s special (read: expensive) lump of grains and amino-acids that he has named a “cookie”. Like Jennifer Hudson and Kelly Clarkson, I gave this diet cookie a try. I wasn’t actually planning on following the diet but rather I tend to skip meals when I get too busy to eat (I know, super bad for you), so having something handy in my bag can stave off the hunger overload later in the day. The verdict: remember when you used to make mud pies as a kid, and sometimes you left them out in the sun and they became kind of hard little dirt wafers? That’s the mental flash I had when dealing with the aftertaste of the Diet Cookie. I’ve eaten cookies. I’ve made cookies. I know a cookie and you, sir, are no cookie.

I guess the thing that distresses me is that there are so many other much smarter ways to eat than to open up your wallet for some guy who claims to have the answer to your weight problems. How many times do we have to be burned by the diet industry before we clue in that there are a bunch of scam artists out there? This cookie diet may be absolutely a healthy way to lose weight, providing you all the nutrients and protein you need to get through your day (although not enough to get through a passion session with freaking Madonna), but why not just eat some great tasting real food that comes out of your own kitchen? The kind of food where you know every single ingredient that went into it?

Kind of makes you think of Soylent Green, doesn’t it?